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I hate depression. Most everything about depression is negative. However, for me there's a positive side, too. It's the perfect opportunity for me to humble myself before God and wait on Him, even when it seems too hard.
A few months ago when I was exerting every ounce of energy I had on going through the motions, I'd imagine myself waking up in the morning and parking myself in front of my window all day long. A window zombie. Lifeless, wasting my hours away watching about a 3 ft. by 3 ft. space of world go by.
I resisted the temptation, of course. I knew the real me, the one who loves her family deeply and desires to walk in a manner worthy of the Gospel, didn't really want to spend her days that way. However, during my kids' rest time one day, I decided to "give in" to the temptation to wallow by the window. But only on one condition: I had to open up the Psalms and meditate on one.
I pulled my shabby, turquoise chair right up to my window, sat down, and then randomly opened up my Bible to somewhere in the middle thinking there was a pretty good chance I'd land on a Psalm. I did. Psalm 130. What seemed random to me at the moment wasn't really random at all. Is it ever with God?
Oh, this Psalm was like Burt's Bees lip balm to my dry, cracked, flaking soul. As I personalized this Psalm and meditated on it, I felt the fog lift a little. It was just so perfect for that particular moment in time. It's now my Scripture memory passage for the next few weeks. :)
During my window wallow, I not only spent time reading God's Word, but I also spent time gazing out my window at God's handiwork. I had the privilege of watching the usually picture-perfect-blue, desert sky thicken with clouds, and I breathed in deep the rare aroma of rain-to-be. I listened to Earth's peaceful chorus of rustling leaves, chirping birds, whistling wind, tinkling wind chimes, buzzing saw, and humming motors from Queen Creek traffic and savored the feel of cool, gentle breezes on my skin. Gentle breezes turned to steady wind, and the sky finally spit a few specks of rain on my roof and windowpane. By the end of my time at the window, the clouds were drifting away revealing the sun's radiant glow once again.
My "wallow" turned out to be such a sweet time of restoration and rejuvenation. I didn't leave my window fully liberated from the effects of depression, but I felt comforted by my heavenly Father. I felt loved not abandoned. He planted a seed of joy in my heart and encouraged me to keep waiting, to keep seeking, to keep believing, and to keep following - and all this under the banner of humility.
If you ever find yourself in the "depths of despair" as Anne Shirley would say, by all means take time to sit by a window and quiet yourself before the LORD. Sit and bask in His presence and meditate on His Word. And wait. Wait for the One who loves you beyond your wildest dreams to heal your brokenness, whatever it may be.
". . . but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength." ~Isaiah 40:31
Linked to Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Thoughtful Thursdays, Inspire Me Monday